This ‘Round My Corner’ young filmmaker competition (see link at bottom) has got me all-a-quiver!
What an opportunity to really showcase my talents and break free from the monotony. And surely there’s no more appropriate theme, either?!
So, I thought that, for this week’s column, I would run you through my idea...
We open with what looks like a wide shot, but actually turns out to be an extreme close- up of my left foot, firmly wedged in my mush; eyes crossed in intense focus, and an index finger lodged up my right nostril – my version of a bio pic(k). Then, in a single take, the camera moves to sit on top of my back, as I drop down into shuffle-crawl mode.
Switching to four times fast-forward, I then, first, escape through the play-pen door gate using my trusty, nappy-stowed plastic screwdriver, before a graceful tumble roll takes me through the front door cat-flap into the street, scaring the hairballs out of Faux Paws (our cat; don’t ask about the name – just an example of my ever-so-chic mama trying to avert the natural social order).
From there, it’s off down the street, and into Harborough town centre. Cue an encounter with an over-effusive Labrador; a lollipop getting stuck to my knee; and a coming-together with an old lady’s stick – which ends badly for all concerned (but, in comic fashion, of course), all en route.
Onwards, and into Wesses Bakery, and a pause in the music...a pan back from the camera, to see me emerge, nose smeared in whipped cream and a delirious look etched across my face.
Tesco on The Square next, and an amusing voiceover of “unexpected item in the bagging area” that then sees me pop out of the automatic doors, before being chased around the perimeter of the Commons Car Park by an overly-large bumble bee (camera shots frantically glancing back over my pumping shoulders to encapsulate the sheer terror of it all).
Fade to dark...
All runs quiet, before the camera finally, gradually pulls into a wide shot, showing me nicely snuggled into the idyllic surrounds of the flower beds behind Market Harborough Building Society.
All set – quite naturally – to the Benny Hill theme, of course.
Just call me Martin Scor-baby!
For more details about the Johnston Press (the Harborough Mail’s owner) Round My Corner young filmmakers’ competition, read our story here Calling All Young Filmmakers.
Column by The Baby Harborain.
Follow the bambino on Twitter, @BabyHarborian.